captivesofhope

Finding renewal and hope


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Roller Coaster

I was six months pregnant and my husband was hospitalized because of his heart. I stayed at the hospital as long as I could, but I had to go home because my body was so weak and I was in constant pain. I got home late and parked in a random  space. When I woke up the next morning, my car had been towed. At this moment, I broke. Yes, I lost it. I began to weep and wonder why was this happening and how was I supposed to handle it in my condition? I didn’t even have the money or the transportation to get my car back. Just then, my sister called me on the phone. When she heard the state I was in, she knew I needed help. It was not like me to fall apart, but at that moment, I had. My sister came and prayed for me until I came to my right mind again. I was able to calm down and restore my trust in God and let Him carry me through. He did. I got my car back and my husband was eventually released from the hospital. Now, it seems like this happened to someone else. My husband is as spry as ever. My son is now 18 months old and knows nothing of the struggles that went on while he grew in my womb.

Looking closely at the lives of my friends, my family, and my own life, I see a common theme; struggle and victory, struggle and victory. I watch others endure intense situations that seem to have no answer. Then I watch God show His power. I have sat up late at night into the AM praying with people or having them pray for me. We prayed and groaned in the Spirit. We did not know what to do other than to seek Him. After God answered the prayer; however, we understood a new depth of His ability to truly do anything. We watched Him do the impossible right before our eyes. Situations like these often make people run from God. They become afraid and feel they cannot endure any longer, but in truth, they have not understood that moments like these are necessary so that God can do what we cannot do. When people get on a roller coaster, they know it’s going to be scary, but it will be fun too. Once you are on the roller coaster, you cannot jump off on the scary part because if you do, you will be injured or maybe even killed. I daresay that many people are mad at God because He did not help them, but the truth is that they jumped off on a dangerous part and were injured because they stopped believing. Their conclusion is that it is too hard to live for God. They didn’t wait around to see how He carries His children through the rough places of life. Inevitably, life has rough places for everyone. It is best to let God determine what the trials will be rather than to let life and the devil have their way. If God brings us to a trial, He will bring us through it. Yes, we may have some ugly moments where we fall apart and lose it, but at these times, God will pick us up and carry us to the finish line. The trial is not really about us anyway. It is about Him. It is about knowing Him in the power of His might and in the fellowship of His suffering. At the finish line is blessing and anointing. We have to grow through trial before we can rule and reign with Him. The reward far outweighs the struggle. Give Jesus another chance if you have given up. Just see what He will do. Ride the roller coaster to the end. No ride lasts forever.


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Taking the Bait

My husband has been really into fishing lately. He took his pole and his artificial bait and set up ready to catch fish. Unfortunately, his line got tangled and he was uncertain about how to proceed. It seems like us humans were meant to fish though we don’t all know quite how to go about it. We practice working with different types of bait and in different bodies of water. We want to attract those fish as best we can. I now understand that certain fish need a certain kind of bait. The fisher has to prepare beforehand if he is going to catch the right fish.

I realize that God created me to be a certain kind of bait. He formed me with the ministry in mind. He knew that I could reach certain people, but not others. I understand that there are some fish who will like me and who will take my bait, but others will not and may swim away in disgust that I had the audacity to even stick my line in the water. I think this can discourage at times. I do realize that there will always be people who misunderstand me or who simply dislike me because I am me. This can be difficult to deal with if you lose sight of the most important thing. The most important thing is God’s opinion. If I am casting my line the way He showed me and with the proper bait, I am okay.

Dear Jesus,

Help me not to lose sight of the goal when some people take me the wrong way or misunderstand my intentions. Help me to not to take it to heart when people snub or avoid me. Help me to fish anyway. Please give me a net full of fish. Let my life glorify You.

Amen


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Prayer is a Place

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Slipping into prayer is like slipping beneath a warm blanket in the winter time or like soaking tired muscles in a bath of Epsom salt. Jesus is a pool of love just waiting for me to dive in. I dive in with my problems and let Him wash them away. There are times when I get so deep, I don’t have to say anything. I just let Jesus move and speak His purpose to me. He restores the strength that life has drained from me. He repairs my broken heart so that I can stand to have it broken again. He heals my mind that is weary from the pressure of this world. He takes my burden and gives me His. His burden is light and full of peace for my soul.

His burden is this; Jesus loves people. He loves people who don’t love Him back. He loves people who insult Him and misuse His name. He loves people who used to walk with Him, but who now go in a different direction. He loves people who have never known Him. He loves people who will never know Him. He loves the people who have hurt my feelings. He loves the people whose feelings I have hurt. Jesus loves people I have never met. The scope of His love is beyond my understanding. I don’t understand how Jesus could love so many people so perfectly and at the same time. All He wants me to do is to tell the ones within my reach about his love. Well, here goes… JESUS LOVES YOU.  No matter where you are or how many times you have failed. There is a place for you in Him. A place that is beyond anything you have experienced. If you believe in Heaven, you’ll want to know Jesus because He is heaven. I feel Heaven every time I close my eyes and say His name. Life is not easy, let Jesus carry your load. He is so much stronger than we are.

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Beauty Is Not Skin-Deep

I used to be a size 4 in highschool. I was thin and healthy looking. But, when I look at the pictures, I am not impressed. I don’t want to look like that person in the pictures anymore because I was lost. I had problems. I did not know God. That made me ugly. Even though I am no longer a size 4, I feel beautiful. I feel beautiful because every time I look in the mirror, I see the work that Jesus has done. That is beauty. There is a light behind my eyes that was not there before.

Today, pastor preached about the fact that Jesus was not a handsome man to make people want to follow Him. He did not pick the most handsome body for Himself. He wanted people to see His heart and His love for them, not his body. Today, people judge others based upon how they look. If a person appears to be less than desirable, that person is often shunned or mistreated. I saw a news clip about a little girl whose mother consented to getting her plastic surgery because she was being teased. One of her ears stuck out a little further than the other so the other children made fun of her. I can’t judge her mother for deciding to fix the problem. Parents want to protect their children whenever possible. The point is that people young and old make fun of or avoid things that are out of the norm. Beauty is truly skin deep in our society today. I have found that beauty comes from Jesus. Nowadays,  people are attracted to me and can’t understand why. They do know that it is not my looks. They see Jesus and they need Him. They need what happened to me to happen to them. Let it be, Jesus. Amen.


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Shaking the World

I have been in a hostile environment for these five months and I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t affect me because it has. I have been insulted, belittled, embarrassed, criticized, and bullied. This situation has challenged my self-image, my peace, my joy, and my faith. I have had some very rough days, but God has sustained me. The scripture that summarizes my experience is, “And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain” (Hebrews 12: 27). In this scripture God talks about shaking the earth and Heaven so that the shaken things can be removed. Those things that cannot be shaken, cannot be removed. God has shaken my world during these months. I have had to decide if I really believe what I say I do. Do I really believe that God is going to keep His promises? Do I even believe that God made the promises? Am I an overcomer or am I a coward? Do I believe that I can walk on water if Jesus bids me come? Do I believe that I hear from God or am I fooling myself? All these questions had to
be answered before I could move forward. Many things have fallen away. I have seen a lot of things removed from my life. Some things were more painful than others. Now, all that is left is me and God. The real me and the real God. You know what? I like what I see. I feel like I made it. I did not do it perfectly, but I am still standing. I had to cry and I had to pray. I had to worship God with trembling lips and a teary face, but I worshiped Him. I had to groan and struggle and ask questions. I had to have others pray for me and with me. Some days were better than others, but I am still alive and I still love God. What’s more, my relationship with Him is deeper than it was before. It is easier to trust Him. I feel lighter because God removed the things that were weighing me down. Now it’s time to step off into destiny.


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God’s Paintbrush

Last night at revival, the preacher spoke about putting the paintbrush in God’s hand. He spoke about letting God make the strokes of our lives. After all, God is a master painter. He blends the most beautiful colors together. This is extremely evident this time of the year. No painter can create a sunset like God. No artist can quite duplicate God’s glorious arrangement of posies and daisies, butter cups and sunflowers. God really is amazing. If He can make a flower that blows away and grows again, I know He can make my life into a masterpiece even though it started out as a mess. He can take any picture that we have marred with our intentions and our ideas and make it into a piece that reflects His beauty. A piece that declares He is real. I am happy to give Him the paintbrush because I don’t know how to paint anyway.


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A Safe Place

Early this morning, I heard the rumbling of a thunderstorm just outside my window. Strangely, the lightning and the thunder did not frighten me. Instead, it comforted me. After exhaling a peaceful sigh, I fell asleep again. I know that a storm can be dangerous and even deadly, but when you admire it from a safe place, it is a thing of beauty. It can create an amazing sense of peace.

The Bible describes God as a hiding place, a pavilion, a strong tower, a shield. When we rest in God and let storms roll by, as they inevitably will, we will be at peace. We have no cause to fear because we are safe. We can even sleep on and let the sound of tapping rain rock us deeper. In the safe place, we come to know God. We learn that we can trust Him. As we lay our head on His bosom, we can hear His heartbeat and we know that it beats for us. We even come to appreciate the storm knowing that its force cannot destroy anything that is hidden in Him. Furthermore, the rain from the storm causes life to flourish. The ground gives birth to a sea of flowers after it has bathed in God’s showers.

Dear Jesus,

When my heart is broken, I place it in your hands. Heal me, O God and I shall be healed. Hold me in the safety of Your love that I will not fear when life thunders against me. Let the lightning flashes succeed only in illuminating Your love for me. Help me not to worry over things that might be destroyed since the whole world is in Your power. Nothing can move unless You give it the power to do so. Nothing can conquer me except my own fearful heart Nothing can overwhelm me if I surrender to Your design for my life. Underneath the covering of Your garment, I safely rest. Wrap me in a healing cocoon and change me into another Destiny.

Amen


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Testimony

The scripture on my heart today is, “Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy” (Psalm 107:2). This  scripture is referring to giving your testimony about how God has brought you out of darkness and into the light. How He has made You whole when you were broken. How He has fixed your marriage, healed your sicknesses, provided for you when you had no answers. I have probably worn my testimony out, but I am still so grateful for what God has done. I do not know where I would be without Him. I want somebody to know how good God is. I was so very lost when He saved me. The enemy had set up camp in my life and had no intention of leaving. But Jesus purchased the rights to my soul over 2000 years ago. I traded my sorrow and sickness for God’s healing and joy. God is amazing because you can have as much of Him as you want while giving away as much as you want. Neither portion is diminished. In actuality, the more of Him you have, the more you are compelled to give Him away.

People overcome, the Bible says, by giving their testimonies. I think this is because telling someone else what God has done establishes it in your heart. It also strengthens the listener’s faith. When we remember what God has done, it helps us believe that He will help us with new tests that arise. For instance, I need a financial miracle. I need to remember the time I was in a financial situation and God blessed me. You see, I made a poor decision and it had expensive results. I owed over $4,000. I did not know what do other than to pray. I did and the Lord showed me the scripture about Daniel in the lion’s den. God told me that He was not going to let the lions devour me. The difference between me and Daniel was that Daniel was innocent. I kind of caused my own problem. Nevertheless, God came through. I called agency that I owed to see if some type of arrangement could be made. The lady searched and searched the computer, but there was no record of the debt. God had simply erased $4,000 worth of debt. Now, I did not doubt God, but I figured that if God had really done this, I could call a second time and get the same answer. I did and this person could not find the debt either. God really came through and even though I kind of caused the situation by my poor decision. God could have let me reap the consequences, but He chose to cover it in mercy. I am so glad that God loves me better than I love myself. What has God done for you? Write me and let me know. I would love to read it. I will praise Him with you.


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Children and Depression

The topic on my heart today is children and depression. When I was a child, I got the message that children were not allowed to be depressed because they don’t pay any bills and have not lived long enough to have gone through anything truly traumatic. This argument is not only untrue, it is hurtful. I interpreted the above comment as, “you are not significant enough for me to care about your feelings. Besides, you are weak for getting upset over such small things”. Needless to say, my depression that began around the age of six increased exponentially as time passed. It continued until God healed me in my twenties. Even after becoming a Christian, I still struggled with this issue for some time. I had to learn that my feelings did matter even if no one agreed with them. I had to learn that my pain was just as valid as everyone else’s even if other people’s situations were worse than mine.

This experience with depression has helped me to easily recognize this bitter enemy at work in others. I have worked with many children, including 3 and 4 year olds, who were already deeply affected by intense inner pain and rejection.  I can recall one child in particular, a 4-year-old, who had an explosive outburst in my classroom. The child suddenly began screaming and throwing things across the room. Ordinarily, I would have disciplined a child for such behavior, but not this time. God showed me the root of this tantrum was not naughtiness. This child was hurting in deep places in her soul. All I could do was to scoop the child up into my arms where she broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably. She screamed for her mother whom she felt had abandoned her. I prayed and held her for as long as I could. I knew that I could not fix her problems. Only Jesus could. The child I held is still struggling with depression and behavioral issues to this day and this incident happened several years ago. It truly pains me to see children suffer because they have no voice. They cannot adequately express sorrow and when they try, they are often written off as being dramatic. Depression is claiming too many children and adolescents. The news is full of victims who only get to speak after the worst has happened. As I look around, I see so many fading and screaming inside for someone to listen, but often no one does. Depression is quiet, but deadly. I pray that adults would begin to speak for these children to prevent the enemy from stealing them right from underneath our noses.

Dear God,

Please help me to do my part for Your children. Help me not to simply stand by as the devil steals child after child. Help me to be a good listener and to recognize and understand what children cannot express. Help me to recognize the results of rejection and abuse. Please
help me to be the solution and not part of the problem. Help me to be a beacon of hope because You rescued me.

Amen


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Giving Up

“True freedom comes when we abandon the nest and pursue God.” That is the conclusion I came to when I read Joyce Meyer’s account of the eagle as it relates to spiritual experience. The story of the eagle has been used many times as a metaphor of our relationship with God. At the expense of sounding redundant, I had to write about Joyce Meyer’s account in her book Never Give up.

First of all, the book title says a lot. It is a true conqueror who refuses to surrender. I wondered to myself if I had given up on some things a little too quickly. Perhaps I had ceased to take possession of what was supposed to be mine. Nevertheless, I found myself reading this book and seeing into myself at the same time. I found that there is a level of existence that can belong to every Christian. Joyce Meyer described
it like this: Male eagles develop a certain sense of uneasiness around the age of 4. The eagle then leaves his nest in search of a mate. When he finds a suitable mate, he pursues her in a form of courtship. The female tests the male’s devotion through various tests. She drops different things from different heights and watches as the male eagerly dives after them. Last of all, the female dives herself. The male is so set on being with her that he locks talons with her and they fall together. The male does not consider his safety or the results of his actions. He is so determined to pursue his mate that he thinks of nothing else.

I wondered to myself; what would happen if I pursued God like the male eagle pursued his mate? What if I forgot to be afraid? What if I let go and just let God completely take over? Looking at the eagle again, he gained a life partner when he gave everything to get her. I want to pursue God like that. I don’t want to think about my ability to mess up even the simplest of tasks or about my foot-in-mouth syndrome (the sickness where you say one thing but it comes out as something completely different). There are times when I do let go completely, but there are also times when I stop the production of God. I yell “cut” when I am not even directing. I pause to catch my breath instead of pressing forward. I analyze and plan and come up with so many reasons why things can’t happen. So, as I theorize, analyze, synthesize, and strategize, God is probably watching me and yawning and wondering when I am just going to play my part and let Him worry about the rest of the film.